21 Weeks

I'm 21 weeks today, and just 19 left to go.  Frankly it feels like an eternity, especially with weekly doctor appointments still on the schedule.  I feel like I live at the doctor's offices and hospitals lately between my appointments and ER and sick visits with the children.  Things went well yesterday.  Savannah was being a pill for the ultrasound wanting to stay curled up in a ball or hanging on to her toes so that they couldn't see what they needed to.  She kept putting her hand or chin in the way of her heart so that they couldn't get pictures that they needed of it either.  We watched her flip back and forth and grabbing the top of her head, Howard says she was fixing her hair.  Everything looked to be very well with her, and we had an encouraging discussion with the specialist afterwards.  She thinks that there isn't anything that will prevent us from having a healthy baby right now. 

They are having me start monthly growth ultrasounds to monitor Savannah's growth, and the the last two months of the pregnancy they are going to have me go in for weekly non-stress tests.  They told me these tests aren't medically necessary, but they are doing them more in hopes to relieve some of my anxiety after all that we have been through.  My doctor agreed whole heartedly when she heard this.  It was so good to see a healthy, active little baby on the monitor.  We showed Karlie and Derek the DVD that they made of part of the ultrasound tonight and they were thrilled to get a sneak peek at their little sister. 

As for the rest of the week it has been pretty miserable.  Sunday evening I started having sharp pain in my leg from my horrible varicose vein (compliments of being pregnant with Derek) I had on my ever so uncomfortable compression stockings since I'd been on my feet most of the day.  This vein can cause a lot of pain on its own, but when I have the compression stocking on it doesn't usually bother me.  The vein usually looks like it is bulging where I bend my leg and when I was getting ready for bed I noticed that it felt more tender and like there was a lump too.  Well, by Monday evening I couldn't stand because of the pain, let a lone walk on it.  By Tuesday morning it was getting red and the pain was spreading down my leg and up the back of it so I called my nurse and told her that it looked like there was a good chance that I had a clot in my leg.  I asked if it could wait to get looked at until my appointment the following morning or if I needed to get it looked at then.  She talked to the doctor who of course wanted me to get it scanned right away.  The nurse called me back and already had a time scheduled for me to go over for the scan, which upon going showed that I definitely had a clot.  Well, being pregnant they can't do much about it.  They said the good news was that it is superficial and not in a deep vein.  The bad part is that the only thing I can do is take Tylenol and keep heat on it to relieve the pain because I'm pregnant.  I hope this goes away fast.  I don't know how much more of this pain I can take. 

At least Savannah is doing well!  I've been able to feel her moving much more frequently this last week too which has been good for me.  I still miss Abigail, and I will until I have the opportunity to hold her in my arms.  That was the hard thing about the ultrasound was that I didn't want to see her body again.  They took a few pictures quick at the beginning while I stared at the ceiling and then did everything they could to focus on Savannah the rest of the time.  When the specialist came in and talked with us and was answering our questions I was glad that I hadn't seen it.  She said that there already wasn't much left of her body.  That just wasn't what I wanted to remember.  We are working on finding something special that we can keep in her memory, I just haven't found the right thing yet.  I'm just grateful to know that she will be a part of our family forever, that was the most comforting thing to finally know that for sure.  I am so grateful for a patient, loving Heavenly Father who has done so much to comfort me during all of this.  I am especially grateful for the gift of personal revelation as this has been what has helped me the most to get through this trial and I know that what I have learned will continue to be a blessing to me and my family.