Paranoia & Beyond

I told Howard yesterday that this little girl is going to hate me before she gets here.  After not feeling her move since Thursday afternoon I was starting to feel very anxious.  My doctor told me that at this point it is perfectly normal to go a few days without feeling any movement, but this doesn't help when that is the only way I have of knowing if my baby is okay.  Anyhow, while I was putting Derek down for his nap yesterday, which usually involves him laying on my bed by me, I started poking and pushing at the little lump where I could tell the baby was laying until she finally gave in and moved a few times, then I breathed a sigh of relief which lasted a brief time.  I haven't really felt her move again today and I am starting to feel on edge again.  Wednesday seems such a long ways off until I see the doctor again to really know how my little girl is doing.  I think I have convinced Howard that for all of our sanity it might be good to rent a doppler (a hand held device that allows you to listen to a baby's heartbeat) at least for the next little while.  Twenty-two and a half weeks until my due date, and nineteen and a half weeks until it is safe for her to come without the fear of complications.  I feel like time is nearly standing still, torturing me through this time when waiting is one of the worst trials.  I've been told so many times during this pregnancy that we will just have to "wait" and see what happens.  While I haven't found a way to speed time up yet, I'm trying to patiently to endure the remaining time.  For now I'm going to go and enjoy the fact that this little one just started moving, I love laying still and just feeling those little movements.  Hopefully she won't get to annoyed at me poking her constantly.  I continue praying that she will continue to grow and do well, and that my body won't decide to do anything stupid that would cause her to come to soon!