Motherhood can also bring some of the greatest sorrows that we will ever face. I don't know any woman who would not relate. It comes in many forms, but that is part of being a mother. Through these difficulties we learn how much each of our lives truly is held in our Father's hand. While we do not know or ever fully understand His plan for us while here on earth, we learn to trust in His perfect plan and increase our faith in Him through each of our earthly experiences. I can not think of a time that my faith has been tried more than during trials I have faced as a mother. I also can not think of a time that I have witnessed greater miracles either.
The desire to be a mother and a caretaker starts for many of us at such a young age. It is planted in each of us as a tiny seed that grows with each passing year of our lives. As we reach adulthood we long for children of our own to care for. This is where the pain starts for some women. I have known many women in my life who have never married, and never have children of their own. They never quit longing for that family they always wanted. They can be such a blessing to those who they are around. I don't think that they see how much they become a part of each one of our families. While they may not have children of their own they have the opportunity to bless the lives of those around them in such a way that I don't think the rest of us could begin to do. They are very insightful as to what goes on around them and are able to help influence those around them.
Many women will be faced with infertility and will struggle with not being able to conceive at all. Some through the help of modern medicine may be able to receive medical help which will allow them to conceive, but this comes with a great deal of stress as well. There is a lot of time, money, waiting, and certainly wondering if after all they go through it will work. Some couple in this situation choose to adopt. This can be very trying as well. You don't know when you are going to get a baby, and I've seen these women's hearts broken after being told they would be getting a baby, only to have the birth mom change her mind. Some couple wait for a long time to finally be able to adopt. Adoption is also very costly and it can be difficult and frustrating to come up with the money for the expenses.
Pregnancy itself can be a difficult thing for many women. Some become so sick that they have to be on I.V.'s just to stay hydrated. Many women will encounter complications of one kind or another during their pregnancy. These can be emotionally draining, waiting and wondering if everything is going to be okay. Frequently these mothers endure testing to monitor either the baby, mother, or both. This can be time consuming if these tests have to be done often. Some women breeze through pregnancy like it was a cake walk. But, maybe in the end they will suffer a difficult labor or delivery. Some women because of things that arise at the last minute will have an emergency c-section. Some will even have to be put to sleep for it and feel pain over missing the birth of their baby. Women sometimes hurt emotionally after having a c-section, especially those who so badly longed and looked forward to giving birth. I think it is safe to say that with that pain comes to some degree grieving the loss of their desired plan and accepting the course of the way things went.
There are those who after conceiving and looking forward to the coming of that precious little baby they desired will have it all end in miscarriage. This brings great pain that many, especially those who have not experienced themselves, do not understand. They certainly grieve the loss of that baby just as any other mother who loses a child. A baby may be stillborn. What a painful thing to look upon that tiny lifeless body. To give birth to a baby and never bring it home. To always wonder what that baby would have been like had they lived. I know mothers who have had young infants unexpectedly die and seen the pain on their faces. How painful to have a child that you love with all your heart and would give your life for suddenly taken from you for no known reason.
Some babies will make their way into this world too soon. Some of those babies will not make it. Because of modern technology many of them can be saved, but those mothers watch their babies hooked up to seemingly endless tubes and pieces of equipment to help them live. They truly know the pain of watching a child suffer more than most of us can imagine. Their concern over the well being of that tiny life is incomprehensible. Even some babies who these machines are able to help at first may be no match for problems their poor little bodies face. Watching a baby battle for life being kept alive by machines only to lose that battle would be heartbreaking. I can only imagine the deep pain that comes with burying a child at any age. For any mother who has ever had to bury a child my heart weeps. It causes me pain just thinking of what they have had to endure. I know many mother's who unfortunately have been in this position.
There are other difficult problems mothers face. I have watched mothers raise children with handicaps. Either physical, mental, or emotional. These mothers have a great many challenges that they face. Imagine the difficulties many of these women face every day. Many of these children will need to be cared for even after reaching adulthood. Mothers who watch children battle illnesses, especially those whose illnesses are terminal, they would do anything to take that pain away. Watching a child and caring for them and seeing them suffer in pain with nothing you can do for them is heartbreaking. And after all of that to lose them to illness would bring a great deal of sorrow.
Just the day to day stresses can be trying at times. It can wear on a mother's nerves listening to crying children, fighting, tantrums, cleaning up endless messes, taking care of sick kids, and the list goes on. The seemingly endless tasks of laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning can leave a mother wondering at times if this is all she is good for. To these mothers, I believe Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles put it best:
You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.
Remember, remember all the days of your motherhood: “Ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.”
Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.
I know there are more trials that mothers and women face than those that I have mentioned I'm sure, but each of these trials is for a purpose. Try to be more understanding of other women around you who are going through trials as well. While they may not be the same as yours, you should at least be able to some degree understand what she is going through. I hope that during these trials of motherhood that you will remember the love our Heavenly Father and Savior. While you may ask yourself how these things that I write of could be part of His plan, remember that this life is for being tried, and learning, and growing closer to our Father in Heaven and learning to become like him. He loves us more than any of us can imagine. We can only begin to comprehend as we are parents ourselves the joy and pain that He feels on our behalf. When your child is in pain or their heart is hurting over something , you know how it makes you feel, especially when there is nothing you can do but be there for them. We are His children and He too is there for us in this way. He is the only one who can understand perfectly where we are and how we feel, and He is always there to listen. All we have to do is pray to Him and He will send comfort and peace to us. We may not receive all the answers to the Why's in this life, but someday if not in this life, then the next we will understand how each of our trials helped to make us a stronger, better, more understanding, and a more compassionate person. How they were able to strengthen our faith in our Savior and ultimately help us to be the kind of person prepared to live with Him again someday.
Click the link below to read Elder Holland's full talk.
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